You know that feeling when you’re scrolling Instagram in mid-November and everyone’s already posting their perfectly decorated trees, their color-coordinated advent calendars, and their kids in matching pajamas looking absolutely thrilled to be doing crafts?
And you’re just… tired? I mean, seriously tired.
Like, the holidays haven’t even started yet and you’re already running on fumes. Already dreading the mental load of it all. Already calculating how much this is going to cost and wondering when you’ll have time to shop and wrap and bake and plan and coordinate and make it all magical for everyone else. Are you exhausted just reading this?
Well, ladies- here’s what nobody’s saying out loud: You’re allowed to want the holidays to feel good for YOU, too.
Not just your kids. Not just your spouse. Not just your extended family or your Instagram followers.
You.
And this year? I’m giving you permission to do it differently.
When Christmas Morning Became Five Minutes (And It Broke My Heart a Little)
Here’s the thing, I’ve got four kids ranging from a one-year-old to a 14-year-old. And somewhere along the way, Christmas morning changed.
My big kids hit that age where they want one specific thing. One expensive thing. And we work our butts off to make it happen, sometimes going in with grandparents just to afford it. Then Christmas morning comes and it’s over in five minutes. They’re not into all the stuff like they were when they were little. The magic? It’s just… gone.
And I found myself really grieving that. I mean, a little heartbroken to be honest.
I was craving the magic that Christmas used to be when my big kids were little, but honestly? I was also craving the magic of my own youth. That inner child part of me that still wants to feel the wonder and excitement and joy of the season. I know, as the kids get older things change, and I do understand that. But this year I decided I am doing something different. And I am totally excited about it.
I told my kids: You can ask for what you want for your birthday. If it’s specific, if it’s one thing, if it’s expensive and we have to go in on it with grandparents, that’s fine. But for Christmas? I’m picking out your presents.
I’m taking the joy back in finding the most perfect things for them. Multiple things. So Christmas morning is exciting again, not just for them, but for me. I want that magic back for myself, and I know that when I’m lit up, my kids feel it too.
And you know what? I’m also implementing new traditions. Things that don’t cost a fortune but feel intentional. Things my inner child would’ve wanted to do.
Because here’s the truth: We’ve been doing the holidays for everyone else for so long that we forgot to ask what would actually light US up. And we’ve been spending so much money trying to keep up, filling our calendars with stuff we don’t want to do, signing up to do all the things, saying yes to every single thing.
The Permission You’ve Been Waiting For
If you’re reading this and feeling that familiar knot in your stomach about the holidays coming, I want you to pause right here.
Take a breath.
And ask yourself: What about last year’s holidays didn’t work?
Not what looked good on paper. Not what everyone said was wonderful. What actually drained you?
For me? It’s always been the busyness. The overplanning. The trying to please everyone. And listen, I’ve gotten much better at this over the years, but it still creeps in. So I have to be mindful and really keep an eye on my calendar.
Money is also a huge stressor. Every year we’re spending more and more and more, and honestly? It’s because my kids are older and what they’re asking for is pricier. But here’s what I’ve realized: there’s SO much pressure on us as a society to spend a ton of money during Christmas. And that’s not really what I want. That’s not the magic I’m chasing.
The one holiday tradition I’ve been doing purely out of obligation? Spending all this money because I think that’s what I need to do. Keeping up with other families. Making sure my kids get a bunch of expensive things because that’s what their friends get.
And you know what? That’s probably the number one thing that kills me every year.
So I’m changing it.
What Would Your Inner Child Actually Want?
When I imagine a holiday season that fills my cup, here’s what I see:
- Bringing back that Christmas magic, not only for myself, but for my kids too
- Going out and finding fun, thoughtful gifts and making a big deal about wrapping them
- Romanticizing my Christmas, yes, I said it, romanticizing it
- Getting my big kids to do things they did when they were younger (and yeah, maybe they’ll complain at first, but I think they’ll actually love it)
- Watching holiday movies as a family
- Baking together (not because Pinterest said I should, but because it sounds fun)
- Putting more money into experiences instead of just stuff, checking community boards, looking at our town’s website for tree lightings and holiday kickoffs
- Creating a family bucket list where everyone gets input on what they want to do
Some of these things will cost money, and I’m okay with that. And some will be totally free. But they’ll all be intentional.
“But My Kids Will Be Disappointed…”
Listen, I thought the same thing when I first decided to change things up.
I was scared. I almost didn’t do it.
But then I worked through it and realized: I’m in control here.
And here’s the thing, I think a lot of us millennials are trying to heal our inner child and parent differently than we were parented. We’re trying to be better. But sometimes we swing so far in the other direction that we forget we’re still the adults in the room.
Our kids don’t run the show. And honestly? When we’re excited about something, they get excited too.
So yeah, my kids were like “what?” for a hot second when I told them about the changes. But I’ve been hyping it up. I talk to my kids a lot, I process things with them, I’m very open. And as I’ve gotten more excited about this new approach, they’ve actually started getting excited too.
Pro tip: I’m also doing something special on Christmas Eve. I’m putting together a little gift box for each of them with all the things they can use on Christmas Day while we’re at home, their favorite snacks, their favorite drinks, maybe a cozy blanket or new jammies or slippers. They can open it Christmas Eve and grab one thing, then use the rest on Christmas Day. (Shout-out to my best friend who does this, I totally stole it from her because it’s genius, especially for teenagers.)
The point is: I’m not just announcing changes and never speaking of them again. I’m bringing them along on the journey. And you know what? I think we underestimate our kids sometimes.
Navigating the Pushback
Now, maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “This sounds amazing, but what about my spouse? My in-laws? My parents who expect things to be a certain way?”
Here’s my advice: Just do it.
There’s really nothing that’s going to make them say yes or no. As long as you present your ideas, give context for why you’re feeling this way, they’re going to make their decision.
If you say, “I want to bring back Christmas magic. I’m tired of the hustle. I want this to be better for myself AND for everyone, and here’s how I think we should do it”, that’s a solid foundation.
And look, I get it. There are people who are stuck in “I have to do it this way because that’s what my parents did and my grandparents did.” And keeping traditions that make sense? Absolutely do that. But we’re also allowed to rewrite the rules. We’re millennial moms. That’s kind of our thing.
You don’t have to do what everybody else says you need to do.
Your Next Step: The Automatic Writing Exercise
Okay, here’s what I want you to do this week, and I mean this week, not “someday when I have time.”
Carve out 20-30 minutes for yourself. Go to a coffee shop if you can. Somewhere away from home. Bring a notebook or open a notes app on your iPad.
Set a timer for 10 minutes.
Then ask yourself these questions and just write. Don’t think about spelling or grammar. Don’t edit yourself. Just let everything flow out:
- What traditions have I been doing out of obligation rather than joy?
- What would the holidays look like if they actually filled MY cup?
- What did I love about the holidays when I was a kid, not the gifts, but the feelings and moments?
When your timer goes off, read back through what you wrote. Highlight or circle the things that really resonate. Those are your breadcrumbs to creating a holiday season that doesn’t drain you dry.
And if you want to go deeper, ask yourself:
- What would my inner child want to do this holiday season?
- What’s one thing I could eliminate that would immediately reduce my stress?
- What’s one new tradition I could start that would bring me genuine joy?
The Bottom Line
You’ll always spend some money at Christmas, that’s just reality. But you don’t have to spend an exorbitant amount just because you feel pressured to do so.
Your kids can still have a magical Christmas without it.
Whatever works best for your family? That’s what you should do.
Not what Instagram says. Not what your neighbors do. Not what you think you’re “supposed” to do.
My memories from childhood aren’t tied to what I was given as presents. They’re tied to going to bed at night thinking about Santa when I was younger, yes, but also just being excited to sit with my family as a teenager. Having Christmas Eve at my grandparents’ house (which I miss so much). Driving around looking at Christmas lights and playing this silly game my dad made up where we’d shout “Christmas lights on the right!” or “Christmas lights on the left!” and get points.
Those are the memories that matter. And I’m willing to bet your kids will remember the same kinds of things.
So this year, I’m protecting my peace. I’m choosing joy over obligation. I’m creating magic that fills my cup, not just everyone else’s.
And I’m inviting you to do the same.
Now it’s your turn: What’s one holiday tradition you’re ready to let go of? Or one new tradition you’re excited to start? Drop it in the comments! I’d love to hear what you’re doing differently this year.
Christina Boyer is a writer, creative strategist, and co-founder of The Wildflower Society. A multi-passionate mom of four living in the Pacific Northwest, she’s deeply obsessed with helping women come home to themselves, and then go after what they really want. Her work lives at the intersection of storytelling, healing, and soul-aligned strategy, with a side of iced coffee
