I used to believe that being a good mom meant disappearing into motherhood completely, boy was I wrong. What a hard lesson to learn.
I know you know the narrative: graduate high school, find someone, get married, have kids. Somewhere in that fairy tale, you, the woman with dreams and interests and a whole identity, were supposed to quietly slip away, making room for this new version of yourself that existed only in service to others. And, before I continue on, let me be clear- I love my husband, I love my children and our little family. I wouldn’t change it for anything, but what I wish I understood sooner- was that I didn’t have to lose myself, I could still be me- Christina.
Because I subscribed to that story without even realizing it. And for years, I lost myself completely. The version of myself that emerged in early motherhood? She was tired, overwhelmed, and had absolutely no idea who she was outside of “mom” and “wife.” anymore. It was always say yes, don’t show that you are struggling, unhappy or barely hanging on. Don’t be weak, smile always, be perfect and keep up with everyone else (who- by the way, was struggling too. Let’s be real)
I thought this was normal. I thought struggling was just part of the package.
But as with everything, we learn the hard way
You know, looking back at 2020-2021, I don’t know how we all made it through. Our worlds turned upside down, no idea what to do or how to navigate it. I said this before, many times, but that’s when it all came crashing down. It felt like everything was falling apart, including me. I had to re-evaluate everything: my support circles, my mental health, my priorities. For the first time, I had to face the hard truth that I had been standing in my own way, believing that taking care of myself would somehow make me selfish.
But here’s what I discovered: When I’m not taking care of myself, everyone in my house feels it. They need me well, happy and present.
Then there’s the truth about overwhelm..
You know those days when you wake up thinking you can do ten huge things, and by evening you feel like complete crap because you didn’t get any of them done? As someone with ADHD and a multi-passionate heart, I used to live in that cycle constantly. I mean, honestly, I do still find myself over-scheduling all the things-
But I’ve learned that when I’m hectic and stressed, when I haven’t done anything for myself in days, when I’m giving to everyone else but running on empty -that energy radiates through my entire household. It affects my marriage, my kids, how everything flows. Isn’t it funny how that works out? I encourage you to pause here, and really think about this for yourself as well. Because realizing this has made a world of difference.
Now, that also means the opposite is also true: When I take care of myself, when I’m mindful and intentional about my days, when I prioritize my own well-being- that positive energy flows through everything too.
Let’s talk about the message we inherited..
Growing up, I believed that a good mom was always home, always taking care of her kids, never asked for help, and definitely didn’t need help. She didn’t have friends, didn’t do things for herself, and certainly didn’t rest. Rest was lazy. Self-care was selfish. These weren’t lessons anyone sat me down and taught me explicitly, no they were absorbed from society, from the culture around women and motherhood, from messages that have been programmed into us since we were little girls. And, I subscribed to these beliefs without understanding what they actually meant for my life, my mental health, my family.
But then I gave myself permission..
After years of battling depression (which I thought was normal), after that breaking point in 2021, after doing the hard work of therapy and medication and healing, I had to write myself a different story.
I had to give myself permission to:
- Take care of my mental health
- Have dreams outside of motherhood
- Build deep friendships with other women
- Rest without calling it lazy
- Prioritize my own joy and well-being
- Show up as my whole self, not just the “mom” parts
Here’s what I want you to know: Women need other women.
We cannot do this life alone. I don’t care what society has told you about friendships being temporary while family is forever: you need your people. You need women who hype you up, who support your dreams, who remind you that you matter outside of your roles.
I’ve built a circle of friends who are truly my people, and I prioritize time with them just as much as I prioritize my marriage and my kids. It’s been 1000% life-changing.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “This sounds nice, but I don’t have time” or “I can’t be that selfish” or “My family needs me too much” Girl- I see you. I was you.
But here’s your permission slip, written from one overwhelmed mom to another:
You are allowed to matter outside of your role as mom.
You are allowed to have dreams, interests, and friendships.
You are allowed to rest without earning it.
You are allowed to take care of your mental health.
You are allowed to ask for help.
You are allowed to prioritize your own joy and well-being.
You are allowed to be a whole person, not just the parts of yourself that serve others.
Start small. Start with one tiny thing that brings you joy. Start with a text to a friend you haven’t talked to in months. Start with saying no to one thing that drains you. Start with five minutes of something just for you. The overwhelmed, exhausted, lost-in-motherhood version of yourself doesn’t have to be the end of your story. You can rewrite the narrative. You can step outside the box society told you to fit into.
You matter. Your dreams matter. Your joy matters.
And if you’re ready to stop doing this alone, if you’re ready to find your people and reclaim your life, that’s exactly why we created The Wildflower Society. Because every woman deserves a space to bloom exactly as she is, wild and beautiful and unapologetically herself.
What permission will you give yourself today?
xo,
Christina
Christina Boyer is a writer, creative strategist, and co-founder of The Wildflower Society. A multi-passionate mom of four living in the Pacific Northwest, she’s deeply obsessed with helping women come home to themselves, and then go after what they really want. Her work lives at the intersection of storytelling, healing, and soul-aligned strategy, with a side of iced coffee
